With it being Valentine’ day today, you may have big plans with your partner (e.g., boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband, etc.) to celebrate the love that you both share.  If you are single, you may experience the anticipation, excitement or nervousness of your first “big date” with someone you recently met or you may dread the occasion as a “Hallmark” holiday that affirms that you are unlovable because you have no special date.  Whether you already have special plans, look forward with optimism or would simply prefer that Valentine’s day did not exist, there are several important qualities that you can develop to love your partner, remember your “first date” or affirm and love yourself.

Learning to communicate openly and directly is both effective and demonstrates your vulnerability to your partner, allows you to be authentic, “voice” your emotions and is affirming to your partner.  Many “mishaps,” misunderstandings and resentments are avoidable by simply learning to speak clearly.  If you’re single and alone, introspection and honestly “asking” yourself what nourishes you and helps you to experience your life as “sweet” requires both self-compassion and “facing your demons.”

Do you experience shame and feel “unworthy” because you believe that no one could ever love you if they knew the “real” you?  Instead of acting and behaving as your mind tells you you “should,” being kind and gentle with yourself allows others to connect with you.  Being authentic with yourself and acknowledging your needs is important in recognizing your own “humaneness.”  By learning to be authentic and vulnerable, you cultivate a sense of belonging, acceptance and connection with your partner, other people and yourself.

In order to sustain and cherish the love in your life, it is important to also learn to notice, pay attention and forgive. We all commit errors, make mistakes and act in ways that only with the perspective of maturity and growth we later regret or feel contrite about in life.  As the English poet Alexandar Pope has eloquently stated “to err is human; to forgive, divine.”

You cannot avoid the pain that invariably comes from acting in a manner that you now would act in differently.  In seeking to minimize or avoid your pain, you also cut yourself off from experiencing human virtues like joy, love, appreciation and gratitude.  So in order to cultivate and nourish these “feel good” emotions, you must be willing to make room for the pain in your life.  So whether you are celebrating Valentine’s with the love of your life or are alone, learn to notice how you feel, allow and make room for all emotions and authentically “voice” your experiences in order to make this year and the rest of your life special.

To your health and success

Dr. Sandoval

To learn more about how working with a psychologist, holistic health coach and personal trainer can help you to enhance your health and well-being, call or email Dr. Sandoval to schedule  consultation.  

The information, published and/or made available through the www.drjosesandoval.com website, is not intended to replace the services of a physician, nor does it constitute a physician-patient relationship. This blog is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. You should not use the information in this post for diagnosing or treating a medical or health condition. You should consult a physician in all matters relating to your health, particularly in respect to any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention.  Any action on the reader’s part in response to the information provided in this blog is at the reader’s discretion.